Saying NO and Not Feel Guilty
I have learned a lot of lessons in life, but the most important one is that life is short and since we are never guaranteed tomorrow, I choose to make the most of TODAY. As a wife, mom of two busy girls, a business owner, taxi driver, helper of homework and projects, volunteer, soccer player and gym rat, I wear a ton of different hats. I am determined, motivated, type A, passionate and a team player, but I don’t wear a cape nor do I want to be labeled as super woman.
“NO” is one of the first words children learn, yet the older we get, the harder it seems to say at times. I remember singing the lyrics to the “NO” song as a 4th grader – “…all you have to say is NO…. Wo, all you have to say is no! Doesn’t matter how you say it, only matters that you do……” This was in relation to saying NO to drugs but to this day, the word still resonates with me. As a parent, especially a mom, I can get pulled in many directions and lose focus on what is most important, my family and my sanity. That is really what it boils down to – I have learned if I constantly put my own needs after everyone else’s, I have nothing left to give and am NO good to anyone. So I live by the philosophy of “if I am not happy, my family is not happy.”
As a wife, mother, daughter, friend and nurse/doula, I give 110% of myself in all that I do. I feel blessed to be able to do what I love and be home with my girls, but often times I will say NO to protect myself. This may seem rude or selfish but I think the opposite. By nature, I am a giver and I love to give. However, over time I believe I gave too much to everyone else, neglected my family and myself and this was an eye opening experience for me. Self-care is not something that is easy or can be taught by a book. It took time, patience and hard work, but I am getting there and I have to say I am happier. Learning to say NO and not feel guilty is liberating. I can walk away and feel good about my decision without perseverating.
In order not to feel guilty about living my philosophy, I hit the gym most mornings after I drop the girls off at two different schools. This allows me to start the day getting what I need so I can fill up my tank and begin to give back. When my personal tank is full, I am more willing and able to do things for others. This has not always been the case for me and may not be feasible for a lot of moms, but this is how I make it work. Once I am done, I am energized and ready to start the day. Plus I am out so it makes having to run errands easier (NO, I don’t care what I look like)!
When I am asked to help out with something and my immediate reaction is NO, then most likely my final answer will be no and the reason may be “just because.” Here is my reasoning behind this. If my gut says NO, I am feeling indifferent; I have a bad attitude or just don’t feel like it, I will go in with a negative attitude because I don’t want to be there. My husband is great at reminding me that I can’t do everything and if I say no, someone else will step up and do the job, but I have to be ok with the end result without complaining. I am good with that. When I want to do something and feel excited about giving back, I have the enthusiasm to get the job done with a grateful heart and positive attitude. Only I know what is best for me!! Don’t take it personally, if I say NO today it doesn’t mean NO forever, but today I am just not feeling it.
At the end of the day, I want my family to feel loved and appreciated and me to feel happy. As moms, if we don’t take care of ourselves, who will? Lose your cape and don’t be afraid to say NO.
As Nike says, “just do it” and my advice is to “just try it”. It takes practice but YOU can make it work for you!