Parenting

Detours

January 4, 2021 by Colleen

If 2020 taught me anything it was to expect and embrace detours. The dictionary definition of a detour is “a long or roundabout route that is taken to avoid something or to visit somewhere along the way.” 2020 was one long detour after another. It is over and a new year has begun, so I will not perseverate about it nor let it ruin 2021.

As my husband and I went on our first walk of 2021, we decided to take our black lab with us. Like most dogs, she is queen of “sniffing detours”. At first I wasn’t excited about bringing her. I just wanted to pound some pavement, enjoy the beautiful weather, listen to the bird’s chirp, get my heart rate up and get home to my next task. Our lab is typically great off leash so as we walked through the desert, she had free reign to sniff and explore. As we approached our 2-mile point, she started to pant harder, slow down and get tired. I sensed a detour was coming, even though it was not part of my plan.

Fight it or embrace it

We made a slight detour to the park to let her rest for a few moments in the cool shade. I am so glad we did. The park was full of people enjoying the weather. Kids were riding bikes and families were having picnics. Music could be heard playing and remote controlled cars were being driven around. We watched as the cutest little boy, followed by his dad, rode a motorized John Deer tractor with a safety vest on and observed the prettiest bright orange Oriole just sitting in the middle of the grass taking it all in. I felt myself relax and stopped fighting the urge to get back to walking.

This detour was just what I needed to slow down and appreciate the newness of the year. The sky was an incredible blue shade with barely a cloud in sight, the mountains majestic as the light bounced off them, the laughter palpable and yet a stillness was present. As I was taking it all in, I began to think about detours in life, work, health and parenting. I can choose to fight the detours and allow them to make me feel angry, overwhelmed, sad and inconvenienced or I can choose to embrace them for what they are, “a long or roundabout route.” A new opportunity to learn or just stop and smell the roses.

Parenting detours

2020 caused a lot of “life” detours to happen. The pandemic affected my business. My husband moved his office into our 4th bedroom. We had to make a flying trip to pack up my oldest daughters dorm room and move her home. My youngest missed some rights of passage and moved to full time online school. My nice quiet home turned into a loud, blustery, beautiful detour.

A little flexibility was all I needed to figure out how I could still be helpful to new parents virtually. I also took the time to educate myself on certain topics that I want to expand my knowledge in. My immediate family stayed healthy and safe but that was not the case for many friend’s families. Several families grieved the loss of loved ones, struggled to home school, lost jobs and grappled with isolation and feelings of loneliness.

Parenting during this pandemic has been full of detours as well. Parents have had to do more alone. Attend appointments without their partners. No baby showers or large gatherings. Quaranting at home alone prior to delivery. Postpone seeing loved ones and sharing the new baby with family and friends.

Other detours I witnessed were when: a baby arrives early and has to stay in the NICU. The planned homebirth that has to transfer to the hospital. Having to get the epidural to allow your body to rest after 36 hours of intense labor, then needing a c-section. A baby losing weight, not latching and has a high bilirubin so formula is suggested. Finally getting a 5-6 hour stretch of much needed sleep throughout the night, only for a baby to get sick and wake up hourly. Parents having to go back to work sooner than planned because of financial struggle.

Detours are inevitable in life. The sooner we can learn to embrace them, the sooner we can learn that detours don’t have to alter our destination. They just change the path we take to get there. Having a baby is a BIG LIFE CHANGING event. Expect detours, embrace them and if you get stuck call me, I will help. For more information or to start planning and preparing for your 4^th trimester, check out www.yourfamilysjourney.com

Grumpaloffagus

August 30, 2020 by Colleen

One of my favorite memories with my girls, when they were little, was reading to them. We’d snuggle in nightly to read and read and re read the same books over and over. Certain books were chosen for me to read and others for my husband to read and most of the time we were NOT allowed to read each other’s books. Apparently we read differently!

The older they got, the closer they would watch the pages, pointing to things on the pages, turning the pages or say a word that they recognized. Reading to your children is super important for so many reasons: language acquisition, learning sounds, words and languages, stimulates curiosity and aids in brain development just to name a few. Plus, it is a great time to bond with your child.

Children’s book coming soon

When a former client reached out to let me know she had written and illustrated a new book, I had to know more. Meet the author of Grumpaloffagus, Kristin Gundenkauf.

Q. Kristin, congratulations on this amazing accomplishment! Who was your inspiration to write this new book?

A. My main inspiration for Grumpaloffagus is my 18-month old daughter, Aria, but she is only one of many that inspired the book. I have been involved youth for a long time, on top of having many nieces, nephews, and godchildren. They are all so unique and inspiring – I could write book for ages based on their experiences.

Q. Who is Grumpaloffagus? What does he represent?

A. Grumpaloffagus is a kid dinosaur that experiences many different forms of grumpiness – from simple things like being hungry and tired, to more complex emotions like being embarrassed, scared or frustrated. Though Grumpaloffagus, for me, is Aria, Grumpaloffagus is anyone – yes, even grown-ups – who get grumpy from time to time.

Q. What message are you hoping to convey in your story?

A. This book is all about understanding why we get grumpy so we can work through those feelings. Grumpaloffagus, aside from being silly and fun, is meant to help facilitate discussions between parents and their little ones. When we get grumpy, we can easily get stuck in a vacuum of negative thoughts and feelings. What doesn’t help is the fact that, as a culture, we tend to associate shame and failure with feeling upset. Even as an adult I find I get grumpy from time to time, only I have context, words, and experience to try and work through it.

For children, without context and an understanding that we all get grumpy from time to time, it can be quite difficult and emotionally draining when those feelings of grumpiness arise. So, if we understand we are all grumpaloffaguses from time to time, we can then be empowered to conquer those negative feelings.

Who is this book for?

Q. What is the age range for readers?

A. The intended age range is 3-7, or preschool to second grade. However, since it is intended as a mechanism for self-reflection, it can work for a broader range. Surprisingly, I have found myself referencing Grumpaloffagus when I have gotten frustrated, so I think the content translates to various ages!

Q. When will the book be released and where can we buy it?

A. The book will be available for purchase on Amazon by October 15. It will be released under my name, Kristin Gudenkauf. You can follow my publishing site, Baby Rex Productions, on Facebook for updates. https://www.facebook.com/BabyRexProd

Q. Is there anything else you want to share with us?

A. I hope this book helps your little ones better understand their feelings and help them to find what works for them in moving past those hard emotions. My favorite thing about this book is that it creates a safe-space for kids to feel what they feel, trigger self-reflection, and work through it – and, hopefully, that is a skill set that will benefit them into adulthood.

Thank you Kristin!

Happy reading, creating memories and gaining a better understanding of your children’s inner GRUMP:) For more tips, head on over to read my blog posts at https://www.yourfamilysjourney.com/doula-blog/ or visit my FB page at https://www.facebook.com/YourFamilysJourney

Wait, is it Normal if My Breastfed Newborn Goes a Few Days Without Pooping?

June 23, 2020 by Colleen

YES, it is completely normal! Newborn poop can be a mystery as it changes. It is hard to wrap your mind around your baby not pooping anywhere from 4-8 times a day, especially when you feel like all you do is change diapers in those first few days and weeks. Some newborns poop with every feed, while others only go a couple times a day. Every baby is different. Again, it is completely normal for your baby, who has been pooping several times a day to move to only go a few times a week.

WHY does that happen and WHERE does that poop go?

Great questions. “Newborn babies often poop after every feeding, about 6 times per day. In the first few weeks after delivery your baby’s intestines are maturing and becoming more efficient at extracting nutrition from breast milk or formula. As their intestines get better at digesting food, the time between bowel movements gets longer and longer. Before you know it you have a two-month-old that is going several days without dirtying their diaper. If your baby has blood in his or her stool, persistent crying, fever, or isn’t feeding normally, you need to seek medical care. ”

How Long Can A Baby Go Without Pooping?

Diaper output is one way to help parents feel assured that your baby is having his or her needs met since we can’t measure how much breast milk they are getting from your breasts. Your newborns first poop is called meconium, the dark green or black tar like substance for the first few days after delivery. This slowly transitions as your milk comes in and turns into a mustard seed like runny consistence but can vary from brown to yellow green, this too is NORMAL.

Charts and Visual

	Days 1-3	First 6 weeks
Breastfed	Newborn will pass meconium by 24-48 hours after birth. It will change to a green-yellow color by day 4.	Runny, yellow stool. Expect at least 3 bowel movements per day, but may be up to 4-12 for some babies. After this, baby may only poop every few days.
Formula-fed	Newborn will pass meconium by 24-48 hours after birth. It will change to a green-yellow color by day 4.	Light brown or greenish stool. Expect at least 1-4 bowel movements per day. After the first month, baby may only pass stool every other day.

How Often Do Breastfed and Formula-Fed Newborn Babies Poop?

Always chat with your pediatrician or health care provider if you have concerns or something seems out of the ordinary with your newborns bowel movements. If your baby is pooping only once a day in the first few weeks, this can be a sign that they are not getting enough to eat. Unless your health care provider suggests, do NOT give your baby water or juice if you think they are constipated.

There can be a variety of changes in your babies poop based on what you, as their parent are eating, if you are introducing formula, solids or if they are having a sensitivity or allergy to any of the above. Rest assured, know that your breast milk provides everything your baby needs, so nothing goes to waste! If you would like even more helpful hints to read about, check out my blog page at https://www.yourfamilysjourney.com/doula-blog/

Dear Mom and Dad: a reassuring love letter from baby

June 16, 2020 by Colleen

I am finally here. You have waited 10 long months to meet me. Here is my love letter to you:

Parenting is HARD. We know becoming a parent can be SCARY and OVERWHELMING yet JOYOUS and EXCITING all at the same time. We don’t come with a book of instructions or a HOW TO manual. Some days you take 3 steps forward and then 12 backwards. Just when you think you figure us out, we change things up for you. We too, are learning.

We cry because we can. Sometimes we burp, lots of times we fart. Peeing on you when you put a fresh diaper on us, is a game we LOVE to play. We love to sleep during the day and keep you up all night. Wrapped in your arms or laying on your chest makes us feel safe and secure. Smelling your skin, hearing your heart beat and listening to your voice calms us down. Cuddle us lots, that is our favorite.

We know we can be confusing at times. It is hard when you don’t have all the answers and some days you just wing it. You are exhausted and your hormones are making you feel weird all over. Be patient with us and just continue to love us unconditionally.

What ME, your baby, want you to know. In no particular order:

FIRST, you are doing a great job!
SECOND, it is ok to doubt yourself and mess up, you are not expected to have all the answers, no one does
THIRD, set boundaries with family and friends & don’t be afraid to say “NO”
FOURTH, don’t compare yourself to any other parents or me to any other kids, I am one of a kind
FIFTH, if one trick doesn’t work, try another one. I am not a one size fits all baby
SIXTH, take a nap when you can, sleep is hard to come by at first
SEVEN, Don’t be afraid to ASK for help. You are not alone
EIGHT, don’t forget to take care of you, YOU are important and I NEED you to be OK!
NINE, don’t google stuff, EVER
TEN, I LOVE YOU

Teamwork makes the dream work! Ask for help when you need it, hire Colleen (https://www.yourfamilysjourney.com). We can all use some TLC sometimes, so take care of yourself. YOU are enough! Remember, we don’t need everything, all the BIG fancy gear, we just need your love and attention. Together WE GOT THIS!

Love, your sweet baby.

Skin to skin contact: fun facts for parents and baby

June 16, 2020 by Colleen

Starting immediately after delivery, if your baby is healthy, parents can provide skin to skin contact. If your baby is born premature and taken to the NICU, the staff will allow you to place your baby on your bare chest when he or she is able. Being home during this pandemic has allowed me time to do a lot of online learning, take courses and deepen my understanding on a lot of topics. I love learning things that will make me a better professional and help the families I support.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends daily skin to skin sessions throughout the baby’s first 3 months. To receive ALL the important benefits, mom and baby need to stay skin-to-skin for 60 uninterrupted minutes.

The numerous benefits have been greatly researched and reported on throughout the years. Do you know where “kangaroo care” or “kangaroo mother care” originated from? “Skin-to-skin contact for the littlest of babies started in 1979, when neotatologists Edgar Rey and Hector Martinez, in Bogotá, Colombia, found themselves without enough incubators to care for all the premature babies in their hospital. Instead, they put the tiny babies on their mothers’ bodies and wrapped them in cloth carriers to keep them warm. The babies thrived, and the doctors named their technique, which also included breastfeeding and early discharge, the Kangaroo Mother Method.” (https://embryo.asu.edu/pages/kangaroo-mother-care)

Benefits for baby

-regulates baby’s heart rate and breathing

-keeps baby’s temperature stable

-stabilizes blood sugar

-stimulates the vagus nerve to aid in digestion

-helps babies cry less and deal with pain

-moves mother’s bacteria on to baby=more resistance to infection

-helps initiate breastfeeding

-aids sleep cycles (babies fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer)

Benefits for mothers

-increased milk production by stimulating prolactin

-lowers moms risk of postpartum mood disorders

-creates a strong connection between mom and baby with the release of oxytocin

-faster recovery from vaginal or cesearan delivery

-reduction in the release of stress hormones

For partners, they already know your voice, so your chest is the next best spot for them to get to know you better, feel and smell your skin and feel safe and secure. Kangaroo care can be beneficial for creating connections with adoptive parents, siblings, grandparents, friends or whoever you feel comfortable with snuggling your baby.

I was also reminded that kangaroo care is FREE, sets the stage for brain development, there are no side effects and it is readily accessible for anyone to partake in. Kangaroo can be beneficial for creating connections with birth parents, adoptive parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.Moms, dads, partners, siblings, grandparents, friends, whoever you feel comfortable with snuggling your baby.

The benefits of skin to skin are powerful for all involved. Since there is no specific age range to stop, snuggle away and enjoy the benefits. For more helpful information, facts and support check out www.yourfamilysjourney.com

Tips and tricks for when the next baby arrives (Part 2)

May 9, 2020 by Colleen

Sibling introduction and expected behaviors

Your next baby has arrived and now it is time to introduce your children. Sibling introduction can be an overwhelming encounter, but it is also a beautiful sight to behold. Some parents choose to do it in the hospital while others wait till they get home. When not during a pandemic with limited visitors, talk with them about what they would prefer. If they are too young, make your best guess.

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Due to COVID 19, Colleen will be providing virtual and/or in home support.